As sure as seconds slip in the twinkling of an eye,
so sure is the change that binds a person’s heart.
I realized the idea of constructing walls before relationships the very moment as words that borders on the edge of slight spurning that was carefully withheld, escape those alluring, scarlet-pale lips. I looked her in the eyes with my hands slowly being crossed, nearly touching the lower part of my jaw following the placement of my elbows as if trying to withdraw from dangling on the edge of the table. Her eyes, yes, those beautifully crafted lids suddenly shift their gazed in the direction of the window in a manner that I can easily read the carried gestures and their implications.
I have no other means of keeping the atmosphere warm so I merely followed her gaze only to notice that this young woman, whom I dearly loved for several years is simply losing the love she had for me. I tried to smile, but some kind of a strange pain suddenly inflicted my chest, in succession of the feeling that the flow of time had stopped in a moment.
There was a biting silence and I saw my heart metaphorically fall and broke into tiny pieces. As the fragments scattered, I uttered some stuttering words to excused myself.
As I was about to stand, her soft, slender hands suddenly reached out for the hem of my shirt. I was surprised as her action was unprecedented so I turned back and glanced at her countenance. It was bright. She was smiling.
A series of confusion roamed the vicinity of my mind. “Hey! How about we watch the movie?” She broke the awkward circumstance. My reasoning dictates that she’s quite insensitive but I found it a real nonsense to dwell on these messy thoughts.
She stood and hold my shoulder in an attempt to push me towards the next scenario. I was able to turned back at her, seeing the response was a gentle smile. Oh! That cunning sweetness radiating from an angel, and then in consequence she uttered some indistinct “lalala” rhythms. I don’t know why I simply nod when at the back of my mind, I was desperately shouting for a personal time to garner the overall situation and decide the defense mechanism I was going to rely on with regards on the perspective of a shattered heart.
Am I a fool? Or have I lost the sanity that makes me over-think things? The instance of time draw the distance in a wild pace. These turned of events are too much for me to handle.
“Well, it’s just that I think I’m not ready yet for a relationship. I’m sorry but for now, I think I need to give my heart to my family and my academics.” She must have noticed that I was losing the grasp of reality in coherence to the seconds I was staring into space.
In the midst of the movie, the large, dark theater we’re in somehow provided some consolation. I looked in her eyes that was about to scream. She clung on my arms in a girly fashion in respond to the genre of the movie. “She’s but a child.. and innocent.”
She never directly told me that I need to stop the efforts I’m investing in but of course I do believe that it was all for the sake of consideration of my feelings. I applauded the insight and felt relieved. It’s time to move on.
© Cyrustale 2014.